Understanding Your True Worth

Don't Let Others Determine Your Worth

Clients who come to my office with concerns about low self-esteem or poor self-image often share a common belief: they have allowed how others treated them to determine their value.

Many have experienced poor treatment, abuse, rejection, or neglect from parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, church leaders, employers, spouses, friends, or other important people in their lives. Over time, they begin to believe that the way they have been treated is evidence of what they are worth.

I believe the scriptures teach a very different lesson.

The Parable of the Sower: The Seed Is Not the Problem

In the New Testament, Jesus taught the Parable of the Sower. A sower scattered seed, and it landed in four different conditions:

• Some fell by the wayside, where birds quickly devoured it.

• Some fell on rocky ground, where it sprouted quickly but withered because it had no deep roots.

• Some fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.

• Some fell on good ground, producing an abundant harvest.

Notice something important: 75% of the soil was unfavorable.

The lesson is not to judge the quality of the seed by how the soil responds.

Likewise, never judge your worth by how other people respond to you.

Continue to sow good seed. Continue to do good. The condition of someone else's heart does not determine your value.

A Prophet Is Without Honor

Jesus also taught:

"A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house." (Matthew 13:57)

After performing miracles and declaring Himself the Lord of the Sabbath, Jesus returned to His hometown. Instead of honoring Him, many questioned Him:

"Is not this the carpenter's son? Is not His mother called Mary?"

They were offended by Him despite His perfection.

I view this scripture as a warning to all of us.

If people could fail to recognize the worth of the perfect Son of God, what are the chances they will always recognize yours?

Don't spend your life chasing other people's approval. Simply continue doing good.

Be the Light

The Doctrine and Covenants teaches:

"A light that shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not." (Doctrine and Covenants 45:7)

This scripture refers to Jesus Christ as the Light.

Notice what the darkness does not do.

It does not extinguish the light.

It does not diminish the light.

It does not overpower the light.

It simply does not understand it.

The light continues to shine.

Each of us has the opportunity to be that light.

Shine anyway.

Don't allow people who fail to understand or appreciate you to convince you that your light is any less bright.

Being Valuable vs. Being Valued

One of the most important distinctions we can make is the difference between:

• Being likable, lovable, and valuable

• Being liked, loved, and valued

These are not the same thing.

Being Likable, Lovable, and Valuable

This is based on who you are.

It comes from your Christlike character, your integrity, your kindness, your compassion, and the good you choose to do each day.

This is completely within your control.

Being Liked, Loved, and Valued

This is based on how other people respond to you.

It is the grade your audience gives you.

You have very little control over that.

History provides countless examples.

People who were truly lovable and valuable were often rejected:

• Jesus Christ

• Socrates

• Joan of Arc

• Joseph Smith

• Abraham Lincoln

• Martin Luther King Jr.

Many of these individuals became martyrs because they stood for truth and righteousness.

On the other hand, history also shows that someone can be admired and celebrated while possessing very poor character. Adolf Hitler was admired by many Germans for years because they believed he had rescued their nation from economic despair, despite the horrific atrocities committed under his leadership.

Popularity has never been a reliable measure of character.

The Real Source of Self-Esteem

This principle explains why many people rush into relationships or remain in unhealthy, even toxic, relationships.

They mistakenly believe that being with someone gives them value.

When the relationship ends, they feel as though they have lost part of themselves.

But your value was never created by another person.

Your value comes from who you choose to become.

Focus on becoming more kind.

More honest.

More compassionate.

More forgiving.

More Christlike.

Those qualities make you truly lovable, likable, and valuable.

Whether others recognize your worth is beyond your control.

Your responsibility is simply to continue planting good seed, continue shining your light, and continue becoming the person God created you to be.

--Dr. O