Human Being vs. Human Doing

How Do You Measure Your Worth?

Many people determine how well they are doing in life by evaluating the kind of human doing they are.

In other words, they judge themselves by their performance, accomplishments, and achievements.

This might include:

• Educational degrees

• Professional titles

• Income

• Popularity

• Awards and trophies

• Athletic accomplishments

• Leadership positions

• Merit badges

• First-string versus bench player

• First chair versus third chair

For these individuals, each day is measured by a checklist. If they accomplish enough, they feel successful and worthwhile. If they fall short, they often question their value.

The problem with measuring your worth this way is that many accomplishments are not entirely under your control.

You may deserve an "A" on a paper whether the teacher gives you one or not.

You may be the most qualified candidate for a position yet be overlooked because someone else feels threatened by your abilities.

You may not make the cheerleading squad—not because of your talent, but because of circumstances completely outside your control.

When your self-worth depends on outcomes you cannot fully control, your confidence becomes fragile.

Becoming a Human Being

A healthier way to evaluate your life is by asking what kind of human being you are becoming.

This standard is based on your Christlike character traits.

Ask yourself:

• Am I kind?

• Honest?

• Trustworthy?

• Loyal?

• Respectful?

• Forgiving?

• Teachable?

• Reliable?

• Sincere?

Unlike accomplishments, these qualities are completely within your control.

Rather than asking, "What did I accomplish today?" ask,

"Whose life did I positively influence today?"

When we base our joy on our character instead of our achievements, our happiness becomes much more stable.

One day you may receive a promotion.

The next day, you may lose your job.

If your identity depends entirely on achievement, your self-worth rises and falls with every success or disappointment.

Character remains.

Even in retirement, I have asked myself:

"Am I worth less because I no longer bring home a paycheck?"

The answer is no.

Our value has never been determined by our productivity.

A Daily Question Worth Asking

People who focus on becoming a better human being often begin each day with a different question:

"Who does God want me to positively influence today while I accomplish my responsibilities?"

That single question changes everything.

Lessons From My Father

About 12 years before retiring, I decided to stop working on Fridays so I could spend more time with my father.

At the time, I realized there was a good chance he would no longer be here when I eventually retired.

Sadly, that proved true. He passed away 17 months before my retirement.

Nearly every Friday morning, we followed the same routine.

We would stop at the Maverik gas station, where my dad filled a Big Gulp halfway with Diet Coke and halfway with regular Coke.

Then he would begin looking for the most intimidating person in the store.

Someone with prison tattoos.

Missing teeth.

A hard expression.

Someone whose entire appearance seemed to say,

"Don't talk to me."

My dad would quietly walk up behind them, gently poke them on the shoulder, and say,

"Hey...you shouldn't be drinking that."

The person would turn around, often looking irritated, only to find an elderly man holding the exact same drink and smiling.

Every single time, they smiled back.

Then they started talking.

When my dad first began doing this, I worried someone was going to hit him—and then hit me.

But after watching this happen over and over again, I realized something.

Many of those people simply needed someone willing to see past their rough exterior and treat them with kindness.

My father wasn't measuring his day by how many errands he completed.

He measured it by the number of people he encouraged.

That is the heart of being a human being rather than simply a human doing.

Poison in the Water or a Blemish on the Fruit?

Perfectionism causes many people unnecessary suffering.

I often ask clients a simple question.

If I handed you a glass that was 99% pure water but 1% lethal poison, would you drink it?

Everyone says no.

Why?

Because even a small amount of poison contaminates the entire glass.

Then I ask a different question.

Suppose I gave you your favorite peach, but it had one small blemish.

Would you throw it away?

Almost everyone says,

"No. I'd simply cut around it."

Or suppose I served you your favorite steak with a little extra marbling.

Would you refuse to eat it?

Most people smile and say,

"The marbling is the best part."

Don't Treat Every Mistake Like Poison

The lesson is simple.

Most of life's imperfections are blemishes on the fruit, not poison in the water.

A mistake.

A weakness.

A bad day.

A personal flaw.

These things rarely ruin an entire person.

Yet perfectionists often think they do.

They see one mistake and conclude everything is ruined.

That kind of black-and-white thinking leads to discouragement, excessive self-criticism, and unrealistic expectations of others.

Instead, learn to recognize imperfections for what they usually are:

Simply blemishes that can be removed, learned from, or accepted.

Don't allow one imperfect moment to convince you that your entire life is spoiled.

God doesn't see you that way.

Neither should you.